I found the section in chapter 5 about Ifemelu meeting Obinze’s mother, especially the conversation about sex, love, and forplanning interesting. The two teens tried to trick her, wanting to have intimacy while the Mother was breifly away. The conversation when she calls them on it upon her return is private and with only Ifemelu is not condemning or judgemental, but calm, serious, and caring. She pionts out the responsibility of the act, and gave Ifemelu advice to “My advice is that you wait. You can love without making love. It is a beautiful way of showing your feelings but itbrings responsibility, great responsibility, and there is no rush. I will advise you to waituntil you are at least in the university, wait until you own yourself a little more.” (Adichie 1241). She also adressed that though the responisbility is on both parties the woman always bears more due to biology. It was upsetting to hear her say Ifemelu had to convince Obinze to agree to wait, and odd to have her ask to know when they start.
I found both a lot of good and some hard truths in this, that women do bear more responsibility because we carry, but both hold responsibility. My question to everyone is what were your reactions to this section/opinion on it, from the ideals about how sex can be an amazing way to show love but should be reserved fro after you know yourself, to the conflicting message of it being the responibility of both genders while only talking to Ifemelu and putting the onus on her to convince Obinze to wait?
Citation: Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. Americanah. Alfred A. Knopf, 2017.
This part of the story was very thought-provoking. To me this represents the seriousness that the people of Nigeria hold about this subject. I feel that it was respectful of Obinze’s mother to simply speak to Ifemelu instead of scold her. Yet, when Obinze’s mother stated “I know you are a clever girl. Women are more sensible than men, and you will have to be the sensible one. (Adichie, 87)” she tried to make Ifemelu think higher of herself, which I feel, even if she used kind words, may be a guilt trip in a way. She makes Ifemelu feels as though if her and Obinze were to have sex it would be “her fault”. Though it is important to be responsible, the idea that it would be Ifemelu’s problem if her and her boyfriend were to make love is a bit damaging to young girl like her and I feel as though this is rather toxic.
How do you think a talk similar to this one would go if Obinze’s mother had just spoke to him, or both of them, instead of just Ifemelu? Do you think what Obinze’s mother stated about the couple coming to talk to her when they start a sexual relationship is acceptable to their culture or even just in your own opinion?
Citation:
Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. Americanah. Anchor Books, 2014.
This section of the chapter was awkward yet relatable by expecting a talk about entering her sexual life but with Ifemelu getting the talk from Obinze’s mother, it adds more to the awkwardness of the scene. What the scene does well is create a strong foil between Obinze’s mother and Ifemelu’s mother with their different viewpoints on Ifemelu’s sex life. Obinze’s mother is very understanding of Ifemelu’s situation as she wants to experiment with her sex life. But the situation grows awkward when Obinze’s mother says, “And when you start, I want you to come and see me. I want to know that you are being responsible” (Adichie 87). This is a boundary I feel gets too personal. She gives advice on what she would do, but to then get a report of the situation creates an awkward relationship.
But this entire experience makes Ifemelu more lenient on the experimentation side when she has to talk to Aunty Uju about Dike and girl were seeing each other’s privates. Ifemelu states, “Aunty, we were all curious as children,” to which Aunty’s response was, “Where did you learn that from,” (Adichie 174). This is a situation where it’s easy to feel alarmed, but the audience can connect to Ifemelu’s logic knowing how she had the same curiosity (just not at the same age).
The question I gathered from this section is: we are aware of Ifemelu’s viewpoint on this, but was Aunty Uju right to react in such a strong way against Dike’s actions and Ifemelu’s defense for him?
Citation:
Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. Americanah. Anchor Books, 2014.
I agree that this section of the chapter was definitely attention grabbing especially because different cultures hold different levels of value when it comes to intimate relations. This scene caught me by surprise especially because Obinze’s mom spoke directly to Ifemelu. Thinking about that in our times and current situations would definitely be an awkward moment. The good thing about this situation is that Ifemelu was not yelled at for what happened. Obinze’s mother spoke to her in a frank manner about sex but it was more of a conversation of warning as to what can happen. Obinze’s mother says “she knows how it is to be young and in love, but “Nature is unfair to women” (Adichie, 1241). Although it was a scene in the book that definitely made everyone think, I believe that Obinze’s mother just had good intentions. I do think that she should have spoke to both of them at the same time though because that brings in the whole aspect of both genders holding responsibility for their actions.
My questions is do you think that Obinze’s mother was getting too personal with Ifemelu especially for not knowing her too long?
Citation:
Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. Americanah. Anchor Books, 2014.
I enjoyed this section of the chapter because you would think that it should be awkward and uncomfortable but I appreciated how Obinze’s mother was nonchalant about the whole situation. It also put into perspective on how different cultures view sex. It seemed like in Nigeria, the talk about sex is strict and almost forbidden and that you will know when it happens. The approach that Obinze’s mother takes is modern. For example, she says, “I want to advise you. I am aware that, in the end, you will do what you want. My advice is that you wait. You can love without making love” (pg. 87). This response was necessary, however, I wonder why she only pulled aside Ifemelu and not the both of them.
My question is, why do you think Obinze’s mother only talked to Ifemelu about this and not the both of them?
Citation: Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. Americanah. Anchor Books. 2014.